Sunday, October 16, 2011

Missing a month and minus 28.8lbs

I haven't posted in over a month now because things slowed down and became common place. I have been busy at work and randomly working the stupid cook job. Boredom set in with the food on this diet and that extended to the blogging.

I spent most of the time not eating anything. I just wasn't hungry, which was actually a wonderful welcome change from before where I was starving and counting the minutes until the next meal. Needless to say, my body held on to every fat ounce. I lost nothing. I wouldn't even have eaten dinner if DH wasn't around.

I started back up eating again, averaging 3, maybe 4 meals of the 5 I am supposed to have plus dinner. I didn't lose much in the intervening month. But I also was not exercising. A flu shot led to a week long nose run just as I was getting back into Zumba. A friend and I tried a few places around town and I was unimpressed, firstly with the lack of dancing on the instructors part, and secondly, for the cost. It averages out compared to my gym membership; each class was $5.30 at two times a week. I think I will try base in the near future which is every day at $3 only. Works for my budget and its on the way home. Now I just need to do it and get there in time to make the class size. People do get turned away.

The loss is now totaling 28.8 pounds. This diet is expensive (although with not eating I saved about a months worth of food, but no loss is no gain) and its taken a long time compared with others. However, I do have to say these others also are stay at home moms/wives/whatevers. It has also been terribly hard working the cook job with all that food around. I survived this past Friday night and Saturday night eating-wise. I did manage to get severe burns on my finger, one of which keeps filling and busting on its own accord. Ugh, this job!

DH and I go back and forth about the job. Now that our debt is almost gone (yay!), there is no need for this other job. But no need to get rid of it if I were to work at the next base. I don't want to, who would? But as we were discussing it yet again, I looked around our Great Room from the dinning room and thought, what would I do all day? His reply was, most stay-at-homes live on facebook. Not exactly what I originally envisioned for myself, but that would be why my friends always surpass me at those stupid time-sensitive games that I can never get ahead at as I am never on. So then I was thinking I should work. The down side is I probably wouldn't have the job that I do now, filled with stress, but I can take off when I need to. Can I do that at the next place? Whenever? I can't do that at the stupid cook job bc everyone else always takes off. Someone has to cover the shift. I really don't want shift work bc it will never be on his schedule but I don't have to think or care if its the only job, right? If we don't have to, why suffer like that? We have been for the past five years, it was that way when we got together and it sucked completely and utterly. He wants a boat, I want a newer car, can't have it if I don't work. Can't enjoy it if I do. Who knows, things might be great. But I don't want a repeat for the next 5 years. I already decided and said I would give up a lot, and the specifics, to not work and hate life like that. I am very glad I am employed, and the cook job has carried me when money wasn't coming in from the archaeo job.

What I would like is to be able to hang out with other spouses when they can. Not, sorry have to work, can't take a three hour lunch to drive out to meet everyone, sorry I have to work my stupid cook job after work but thanks for trying to work around my day job, sorry I can't hang with ya'll bc you will be going to where I have to work and I have to wait on you and then its awkward bc we can't really talk over the noise and other customers. Not that my ego is hurt, it just sucks. Come out and hang with us for a bit, can't because every time some wants a drink or fries so 5 turns into 10 and then its a never. One job or the other would be fine, at least more time. I say this full well knowing that the next base I might hate everyone, or vice versa, or there may not be any opportunities or I might not be able to work and I might have a hard time making friends, especially if the spouses clubs aren't mixed like it is here, a god-send, really.

Ugh. The cook job, both with its food and its stress on my life, led my one-time therapist to counter me about needing the money and the job. If its actually leading to your already high stress level and actually enabling your eating which in turn increases the stress, why suffer? Can't you cut costs other places? Plenty of military and civilian families do it every day on only one income. Health or worry?

With the nasty burns on my hand I am anti this job. But right now I am working it very little and get off the days I request. So its not bad, really. I keep telling myself, think of the money, but its not one bit motivating. I guess because I don't need to live off of it. And I am not buying shoes with the money, which would be motivating. I switched to going to Europe for archaeo with that paycheck, but haven't heard of anything recently, and its a far way off. The build up in my mind of all the things on my to-do list that happen to be there when I have to work is in infuriating. I really wonder if I am sabotaging myself. Is my sanity finally trying to strike back? Or am I actually wanting to polish all of my silver for the sheer pleasure of it in this beautiful weather when I am stuck inside under fake lighting at work?

Thanks, Mom, for the motivation to get back to my horrible blogging that all the world can see. But minus 28.8 is almost 30! Still can't fit in that blue dress.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

"Everyone knows head fat is the hardest to lose!"

I am over this diet. I have finally hit my lazy point. Not even seeing 217, a total of minus 23 pounds now, is motivating.

I am itching to exercise, to enjoy the nice weather. And am totally not hungry, not eating anything but dinner. If DH wasn't around who knows if I would eat that. Its amazing! Supposedly this is what happens in ketosis, which is what this diet strives for. Except the not eating part, I am still supposed to eat the 5 mini meals and the lean and green dinner. And I am seeing results even though I don't believe I can be in ketosis based on my eating habits. Yes I still go off plan, but if I am not consuming the plan meal for carbs, maybe the ones I am taking in even it all out. This seems to happen every once in a while so I will ride it out until I want to eat every 2 hours again.

I failed at the cook job. I ate cheese fries for breakfast. Had the fries not been sitting there I wouldn't have eaten them, in that I didn't make it, it was left over and sitting there, as I just said. I don't know why I don't just eat the cheese with a spoon. I don't want the fries or tortilla chips. I just want the cheese, might as well save myself unneeded calories and spoon that baby. Of course then I wouldn't want it because cheese alone is easy to get cheesed-out. So its a win-win! I did eat a MF bar I brought also. And that was it. 8 hours, not bad over all. And I did drink water, possibly my entire day’s worth. How did this day be such a good diet day? It was empty almost no one. I could have made breakfast of eggs and had totally planned on it. But after making a few that were ordered, it did not look appetizing to me. And that's when the cheese struck. Actually I ate one piece of hashbrowns on my way to toss them, just one! And it was way salty, bleh!

I almost wonder if had it been chaos what my motivation to eat would have been. Would I have felt rushed and so made something unhealthy but easy to down fast before someone else comes in? Would I have burned so many calories sweating and running around that I would need to eat? I can tell you this; I still want to throw up at the smell of meat cooking.

I got a new shipment of food in, picked a few new foods to try. My MF friend has dropped a ton of weight. She is very strict with foods and condiments, stays at home with her kid and has motivation. Apparently her DH is also losing weight, possibly job related. Studies show that weight loss is both contagious and needed for success.

We watched a Lakota on his journey to lose weight, PBS. He failed because he ultimately went back to his old eating and exercise habits, such a shame. But none of his family was with him. Not outwardly against him, but not trying to make the change as well. His sister said she was totally fine with letting the kids each sugary crap and drinking soda all day. Is it a culture thing or the fact that she gets food stamps and so doesn’t have to worry about how much that costs? I don't think its a Native American trait so much as general human laziness. My parents didn't allow that, for whatever reason, and so now I don't want it. It simply was not common and so is not in my way now. That is not to say prior to this diet I didn’t buy whatever I wanted. But it wasn’t part of my singular culture, simply the general one in which I lived. Will those kids grow up to be disgustingly overweight as their father and uncle, well over 300 lbs,? Probably. Hopefully they will find healthier paths just as many from every other genetic pool and culture area able to. No matter what, if allowed, it must be in human nature to take in as much as possible for the days or months, way back when, that had no food. Our lifestyle change has happened to quickly for our genes to adapt and so we have to change our lifestyles. The guy kept mentioning prairie buffalo people, but he never mentioned the fact that they were always moving and that’s why they weren’t piling on the pounds. No matter what you eat, assuming your body is not starved for the vital nutrients, it will gladly get rid of extra crap you put in it, as long as its on the move.

Which brings me back to exercise. It was nice when I had a gym buddy-need to cancel that membership on Monday! Maybe I can get DH to help motivate me to motivate him to go out walking with me. I have a fast walk so that helps too. Swimming burns far more calories but ever since I sliced my hand open, which has not finished healing yet, by the way, (only a week) I have been hesitant to go back. Even if I just go out deep enough to tread water. I know I won't last more than 30 seconds out of boredom, much less 30 minutes. But I did feel better after work when I swam. Maybe if I keep getting up early I get can out of work early and when we can eat dinner early and the night doesn't feel rushed and wasted.

The whole point of recounting the Lakota story was that he loved eating tongue. It happened to be buffalo tongue. But that got me thinking; maybe I would like it as well. From the edited show it looked like he just boiled it from frozen and then cut slices off. The kids ate it like nothing. Maybe I will look up some recipes for tips on how to do it-I can get cow tongue at the commissary! I have also been debating trying liver and onions, cooked by someone else. I hated the smell as a child, and might still as an adult. But there is mom and pop restaurant that makes liver and onions every Wednesday. I think maybe this Wed I will go out to lunch and try it! If I don't like it I am out that money but at least I will know I don't like how they cooked it. Maybe I will like blood sausage. Never know!

In conclusion, I weigh less. My measurements say I have lost a quarter of an inch in my arms, a bit in my chest, and a whopping 2 in in my legs which is probably muscle loss from not exercising. DH measured a 1 in loss in my chest, needed help to get it straight. Waist and hips are inches larger. Could be from the cabbage I had for dinner or the lack of exercise. Or the fact that I didn't suck-in. I really need to write down whether I am going to suck-in or not. Makes a difference to the body types in my family, since internal organs like to poke out and mysteriously disappear when we lay down-thank you Uncle Ted for volunteering that info when I brought it up and thought I was crazy. Ah, the Buddha Belly. The scale says I lost so I am sure its there. Or not there as the case is. Maybe its head fat! I am thinking of the Drew Carey episode where he uses the pizza boy to show his weight loss. "Everyone knows head fat is the hardest to lose!" - Kate, The Drew Carey Show. I will go with whichever is the more positive: the scale wins!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Down again

Yesterday was beautiful, cool and sunny. So instead of swimming I went for a walk. Met DH up halfway and he walked for 45 minutes with me after his run. He was zonked out by 9pm.

Swimming burns more cals than walking, so says my calculator. But I could feel the muscles in my legs and tried to walk with a very straight back to maximize the workout.

This am I weighed in at 218.2 for a total of minus 21.8 lbs

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Swim day 2: injury by food

Day two of swimming almost drowned me. Small little waves don't look so intimidating when you are standing up, but when swimming and you realize those small waves are actually crashing *over* your head and breathing in the troughs doesn't help, its a wee bit different.

So I sat up on my knees, yay three feet of water. And continued on swimming away from the bank, into the current until I sliced my hand open. The current had pushed me closer to shore than I generally wanted but I did not see anything in the usually amazingly clear water. I tried to keep going but the salt was just too much for this inch long paper cut.

I will admit, kicking fish while swimming is one thing, odd-feeling to say the least, but bleeding and getting eaten by a bait fish is not how I want to go down.

I gave up and decided to walk laps along the beach in a few inches of water for resistance. Upon reaching the devil side of the beach, which was full of shell fragments in comparison to the rest of it, I decide to take a look at some. Lo and behold! What looked like concreted silt stone had various mollusk shells attached. My damned food bit me!

With that thought ringing in my head over and over I couldn't help but laugh. It made perfect sense that they would be there, given the current and the close proximity of the dock for the boats, that I wouldn't see them, and that an open shell would have caused my small but painful gash. As I walked a lap headed towards a fishing pier I thought about how often I just sit and stare at the growth on the pilings. Makes perfect sense, can't deny that.

15 mins of swim, 15 more of walking. Not bad on the whole. I also left the car at the changing rooms so I had a nice five minute walk there and back.

I would like to add that I slept wonderfully again tonight. But I also woke up with a dull headache. Perhaps I am dehydrated. I pushed that thought away until I realized swimming in saltwater may actually exacerbate the problem. Who knows. I am just glad its not coming at me at night. But boy is my back soar! I hope its developing muscles I haven't used in decades and not something else.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

swimming seemed to help

I went swimming on base in the Sound yesterday after work. Not only was it nice, and empty, but the water was slightly choppy making me work harder. Unfortunately, I kept kicking fish which made my mind wonder to sharks....

After a few laps I sat in the sun to dry off a bit and further relaxed. I brought a book for today.

It took a bit to quiet my mind last night, mental chanting helped and I was out from about 11.30 to 5am. Wide awake at 5. Rolled around trying to sleep only managing it after 7 when I needed to be up. No wine, no sleeping pill, and I still feel crazy groggy today. Must just be lack of sleep.

I am hoping to keep this swimming up. Free, on my way home, get my beach time in, and maybe knock me out too. Its a win-win.

Tonight is hot wing sauce over chicken breast in crockpot. I think I want this over salad, which means shopping after work. Hm, maybe over green beans.

Monday, August 29, 2011

other random thoughts

i keep trying to write blogs as i think of stuff and it just doesn't happen. so here is a recap of the ones i can remember:

~made it through 4 hours at the cook job and did not eat anything! couldn't make/eat mf, but didn't eat that food!!! was starving afterward and probably killed the diet, but I made it.
~bought a cake today, half way home i realized i didn't want it at all, i was just hungry and gave in. crazy because i turned from sooooo many desserts - yay!. i had a few tastes and i was done. yay!
~that cake is going to work and i know i won't eat it then, good thing i hate frosting.
~did a great job at the baby shower and ate the guts of the sandwich and tossed the bread, at least most of the time. i tossed it until i started to feel faint. not the best choice, i was probably dehydrated, but just in case, i was not about to land on my face with a bunch of ladies in heals around.
~insomnia has been crazy, almost every night, so i have sworn off diet soda. while it is allowed on this diet and so i started drinking it, the lack of cals and carbs allowed the caffeine to go crazy. so that is now cut off. this way if it keeps going i can try to figure out other reasons for the insomnia.
***I did figure out that if i listen to something, like music, i stop my incessant, pointless thinking. so i put on soundscapes on tv and was able to sleep for an hour or so. staying asleep is the problem.
**might go back to drinking a glass of wine a night. wine is a nono on this diet, but if it helps me sleep, is it really so bad? i will wait to test this out until i have all the caffeine out of my system.
~ i like the beach. we went on sunday and i am thinking maybe i will go every day and swim around a bit for my exercise. i need a water proof watch. think there is one hanging around somewhere. then I will get to work earlier (ha) and get to the beach and home before too late.
~found a perfect soup at my favorite Vietnamese/Chinese place that is cheap and huge as well as not too salty. yum!

I am sure there is more but that is all I can think of right now.

DH loved this recipe

My husband is a good sport about my crazy recipes. Even when I am ready to vomit he nicely says its not bad, okay, or is it okay with me, could he not eat have anymore/not finish what he has? "I really tried, honey." The last always makes me want to saw aw, okay, he just looks and sounds so cute.

I tried a recipe I found on a fellow Medifasters blog. It was set up for one person so I just winged it an made it to fill up a 9x13in baking pan (glass). I was starving when I started. It started with zucchini and yellow squash slices (I love my 9$ gadget! it was perfect!) on a pam-sprayed pan. I made a good inch, inch and a half-thick layer then you put a mixture of cooked ground meat tomato paste (important!) and spices. I used a jar of tomato sauce we had to save on extra items. Instead of mixing it I just layered everything. On top of the beef came cottage cheese (my first time using it) then shredded mozz and parm, but I left off the parm. Baked for 30 at 350*.

How it turned out, not bad at all, a definite keeper. It needed to bake a bit more, it was still kind of crunchy, but definately done. The sauce turned to water, and we lost the flavor, hence the original recipe calling for paste. Oops. Next time maybe bake until cooked, then layer on to melt the cheese. Who known. All I worried was if DH liked it, and he kept asking for me. Since it was all veggies (and cheese, ok fine) I said sure. I had 2 portions which I think might have been technically 1 portion.

Here is it, thanks to Sandy

Italian Ground Beef Squash Casserole
2.50 oz cooked 93% lean ground beef or ground turkey (.50 Lean)
1/3 cup 2% reduced fat mozzarella cheese, shredded (.33 Lean)
1/4 cup 1% cottage cheese cheese (.17 Lean)
1/4 cup tomato puree, canned (1 Green)
1/2 cups sliced zucchini (1 Green)
1/2 cups sliced yellow squash (1 Green)
1/8 tsp garlic powder (.50 Condiment)
1/8 tsp salt (.50 Condiment)
1/2 tsp basil (.50 Condiment)
1 tsp reduced fat parmesan cheese (.33 Condiment)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a casserole dish with pam and set aside. Brown ground meat and measure out 2.50 oz cooked. Reserve any extra ground meat for another dish.

Combine tomato puree, garlic powder, salt, basil and oregano until well blended. Pour tomato sauce over ground meat and stir until combined.

Layer zucchini and yellow squash at the bottom of the casserole dish. Pour ground beef mixture over squash. Spread cottage cheese over the meat mixture and then sprinkle mozzarella cheese over the top. Sprinkle parmesan cheese over the top. Bake for 25 minutes.
* Note: You can use 99% lean ground meat but you will need 3.5 oz and 1 healthy fat

1 Serving with 1 Lean Option, 3 Greens, 2 Condiments per serving and No Healthy fat required.

weekend 18

I always think of great things to put in this blog and when I finally sit down to write I remember none of them.

I worked the cook job on Thurs so I had the weekend off, which I had to take off. Friday night was nice and relaxing, we just watched a ton of nature shows (penguins, polar bears, etc). DH woke me up on Sat morning and made eggs for breakfast. I was getting ready to go to a baby shower when I realized my makeup was running down my face. Long story short, the fan in the a/c unit died. It was fixed later that day.

Sunday I made it to the beach! Yay. Saturday night was crazy insomnia time. I am bored of this already. So I am cutting out diet soda, even tho it is allowed on this diet. I think the caffeine might be killing me. While I slept wonderfully on Sunday night, I did wake up with a headache. This time I made sure to eat the night before and had no soda. I need to get back to exercising. Or maybe just swimming in the water after work for a bit. Its too bad bathing suits take forever to day. I wont have this problem when I am a skinni mini in a bikini!

I am going to try to shrink my pants/jeans. They are too big and falling off. I have cute undies, but the world does not need to see them unless is my decision, there is no democracy with my clothing. Having said that, I fit into a pair of 18s today!!! I had to confess that I have owned these forever so may not be the original size. But they zipped right up. That weird too-tight belly roll that otherwise does not exist is visible when I sit. Its always the sitting at kills me. But they are on and I am not in pain!!! Go me!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

sat am weigh-in

221.0 finally made it to 0.0 wanted to be at minus 20 this weekend, but i'll take 19 given everything that has been going on and that i can't eat my MF meals at the cook job.
1) no time to prepare
2) not time to eat with 1 person only, me
3) no ice water quick at hand w/o leaving the grill.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

insomnia forcing a day at home

I took an OTC sleeping pill at about 830pm so it would kick in and let me sleep. DH had (today) off so he was up late watching tv. I went to bed about 9pm and did some Sudoku. I woke up well after Dh had come to bed, about 12 midnight and was wide damned awake.

No matter what I did I could not settle back down. Either my body wanted to move or my mind raced, classic insomnia. I moved to the couch and watched tv, didn't help. About 2 am I took an advil pm. I slept on the couch for an hour max. I was up again.

This is getting ridiculous. Since I can't eat cereal, I was searching for something to weigh my tummy down, hoping that would help. Tea, did not help. We had some microwave crap food. I smelled DH's so I made one. It tasted fine, but when it did not help me sleep I was going over and over again how it killed my diet and was a waste of good calories. Which, of course, did not help my insomnia.

I tried to go back to bed and was piping hot so it was back to the great room. Lucky the Science Channel had excellent shows on, all about space and sharks and giant squids. So while I could not focus on anything I was at least not pissed there wasn't anything on to boot.

Tonight, I will use the whole suggest dose, 2 pills. Take it early and hope it knocks me out cold for the night.

I called in today, figuring I might go in later on. Tried to go to sleep and, unsurprisingly, it was impossible. So I started cleaning about 9 am. Its now almost 11 am: I swiffered both bathrooms, the foyer, the kitchen, twice and its still gritty, stupid garage, the great room, and the dinning room. Since DH was still in bed, I polished all the wood in the great room, the dinning room table, the chairs (each piece of all of them) and the china cabinet. I also made breakfast for the next two days and had half my daily water for today. I took out the dining room table runner and shook it outside.

Dh is finally up so I can vacuum the great room, the rest of the hallway, and all the tile to pick up whatever grit it is I feel on my feet, stupid garage and guests wearing shoes. The ottoman might need to be vacuumed.

What else can I get done before noon? I figured I would just stay home, to sleep, and maybe relax and figure out what is keeping me up at night. Probably my stupid cook job, since I hate it. I realized I am pissed bc my group of friends were talking about bowling for free ... ON THE DAY I AM WORKING. Friday and Saturday. UGH! I of course can't be mad at them, but just the fact that I am working Friday and Saturday and they are planning to go out. I can't wait to pay off this stupid loan. The universe needs to align so I can finally use this in and get a different job. Or maybe the day crew needs to work the weekend. Too bad someone just quit, so that's that.

To end on a positive note, the house is clean now! Maybe I will clean the fan in the bedroom. Can't reach the one in the great room. The window blinds need to be cleaned as well. I don't think either he nor I ever wiped them down. I want Mom here to talk to me while I clean them. I suppose I should clean the windows inside and out also. I think I will fit the beach in before dinner. What ARE we having for dinner?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

stress and work leads to more pounds loss

lots of stress all around. no need to rehash here.
stupid work at the grill last night. i have blisters on my feet, my feet hurt and my back is killing me from leaning over the too-high sink to wash everything.
had enough protien in the am so I wasn't hungry and only 2 mf meals (badbadbad).
but I am now at 221!!!! As soon as I eat it will be up again, but I am almost to my next goal!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

clothing sizes and what lies beneath

Ok I tried to load my weight ticker. Trial and error. I am now up to minus 17.6 lbs.

after my hair apt at jcp i tried on some dresses. their plus size was way to big (yay). not surprisingly, i don't have the chest for it. the story of my life. so i went down the rack of clearance items and found that jcp apparently does not stock size 18.
i grabbed a few 16s. i know, companies use all different sizes to get people to buy the products. anyway, i found 2 16's dresses that almost fit! so I bought them. they will be my minus 20 lbs present to myself. $70 and $90 for $20 and $30. I think that is a nice gift.
Talk about a non-scale victory!

this was of course before my veg out on pizza. a big no-no. but i did lose weight from yesterday to today in spite of the pizza and no exercise all week. yay me! and a shout-out to my husband for being so supportive....and not asking me if i want toast with my eggs.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Non scale Victory

I had a pair of pants I used for my cook job, jeans from walmart. size 18. I really couldn't wear them, had to leave the zipper down and cover it with my shirt and apron. I was too damned cheap and didn't want to ruin any other pants. They ultimately lived in the closest because they didn't fit.

I had to work tonight. So I grabbed the pants and thew them into my bag planning on just . In the bathroom at work I put them on and figured I might as well try.


no pain, no muffin top! Not an amazing fit but a fit none the less.

a nice end to my day.
work wasn't so bad either.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Down and Out

I am now at an even loss of minus 16 pounds. Have been consistently for the past few days.

I talked to a friend and she is going to help me take in some pants and shirts so I can get a bit more shape into them and a bit more wear out of them.

Cook job is starting up again. This may be a very, very hard time for my diet. Working dinner time has always been so hard! And everything there makes me sick or is not allowed on the diet.

After 2 weeks of consistent 3.2 speed on the treadmill I took yesterday off and nearly died this morning when I bumped it up to 3.4. I also just could not get out of bed. This is also my cuddly, soul food craving week so exercise might be out the door. Good thing I already planned meals for the week or it might be all take out. And I do not want to gain just to have to fight to lose it again.

Recipes tried: balsamic chicken, delic; chai hot coco fudge, eh; kale chips, delic; cream of tomato, gross!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I feel and look excellent

Its Saturday morning, early afternoon. Not everyone's ideal exercise day but I got on the treadmill just like during the week and did my half hour of 3.2 speed. I have been noticing a curve to the back of my thighs and definition at the bottom of my bum, separating from my thighs.

But it wasn't until I got off the treadmill and bent in half to take my sneakers off that I realized I liked how my calves and whatever the front part of your leg is called. They have some shape! I can actually see the muscles defined from one another.

I have always had excellent muscle definition, more obvious with less padding. But my single thought was, I like the look of my legs.

I have always hated how the bottom half of my legs looked. Thick as trees, but my ankles always had definition, thanks to my genes. However, I tried to hide them at every turn. I wouldn't go so far as to wear jeans in summer; that's just punishment. But I was happy with what I saw.

Was it the change? Was it anything real or just the fact that I got through a half hour on a Saturday? I don't care. I like being happy looking at myself. Even if it is just for a moment.

spices are my friends and i love them 7/28/11

Spices are my friends and oh how I love them. I have always used spice in cooking but it never occurred to me to add them to my MF shakes. I was looking for the shake cake recipe and saw a pumpkin spice shake recipe on the French Vanilla box. I though, OF COURSE! So I grabbed my cinnamon shaker, since nutmeg is much more expensive, and I have added it to my FV and my Dutch Coco. Delic.

I think I might go out and buy a premade pumpkin spice so I don't have to mix my own. Since I past my 15 pounds, I am now at 224 (a few ounces count!) I might just get a shipment of flavor drops to add to my shakes. It will have to wait until next payday. I don't even remember what I ordered for next months MF. It should be coming soon.

finally hit 15lbs down 7/21/11

finally hit 15 this am. been stuck at 14 for what seemed like forever. good thing in a bad morning. i am happy.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Crazy week and its end

DH got some distressing news and so we were, naturally, at each others throats all week.
Friday we had dinner guests and had a great time. One bottle of wine to myself and I had a hang over on Saturday.
Fast-forward to bday party out Saturday night: Absolute and diet, gross, two amaretto sours, and a tall glass of blue moon (possibly 2 maybe 2.5 beers). Good thing dinner was fish on the grill and oven baked zucchini (DH loved it!).
Of course the scale does not lie.
However, I have been getting on the treadmill so much now that it is showing on my legs and bum, but more importantly, I feel edgy if I don't get my exercise in by the morning. I was even temped last week to get on it at night for 2 times that day. Not sure why, just wanted to. It was a great feeling. I beat it down, nevertheless, and relaxed.
Monday morning weigh in, back to my 15lbs down. Phew, I was worried I would have gained. But when I entered in the drinks to my tracker, they weren't as detrimental as I thought they would be. Of course empty cals, but still. Every day? probably have more of a stake.
Ordered my next shipment, pickins are gettin slim here. I ahve plenty of food, I had just wanted to save what I have to try some recipes.
Made a crockpot brisket. I can't get potatoes out of my head, they would be wonderful with this. I wonder if boxed flakes are as bad?

Monday, July 18, 2011

DH doesn't realize he is sabotaging me

I realized this morning that my loving, caring, always-thinking-of-me-first DH is sabotaging me and neither of us realized it. Or maybe we both did but didn't think negative about it...

I say I want my eggs for breakfast. He cooks mine in one pan, his regular eggs in another. As I am commenting on MF threads I hear from the kitchen, "do you want toast with the eggs?" Without even thinking I replied, "I can't eat toast." DH: "just checking."

ugh! I know its because he loved me . I know its because he wants to plan everything out so it won't be cold. I know its easier to ask before, since I am a waffler on toast, just never really been into it, not for years. But what does NO CARBS mean? No toast, no bread, no rolls, no pasta, no wraps, no chips. Stop leaving them out for me to eat when you know I am starving. Pull out the salad stuff- he just doesn't think about it. Good thing I don't like chips anyway.

He will make my eggs and his eggs. Since mine amount to so little he makes more of his (regular yolk and white) and adds it to mine. So sweet! So adding extra cals that I didn't realize was happening! Lucky, I was standing there just before he dished it out. I was too late for the mix, but he explained it to me and I said, "It would be much better for me if it was whites alone. So if you want, you can separate the whites into mine and cook it that way." (FYI He loves cooking breakfast for me, its our oldest tradition. I worked 60 to 75 hours a week, so weekend bkfst was our only time together).

As we talked and ate I noticed a bit of .... juice? at the bottom of my egg bowl, which is never there when I cook it. I forget how I worded it, but the answer was that it was Imperial margarine that he uses to keep the eggs from sticking, which never works when he cooks-most of it goes down the dispose-all; (ugh! I only get 100 cals a pop!). Hm, I replied "could you try the grill spray next time?" (deja vu, we had this convo last weekend, too). "Or try that ICBINB spray we just bought, it can be used as a non-stick, too, says it right on the bottle." I actually walked into the kitchen to check that.

He says of course he will try it. I know its because he loves me. NOW STOP ASKING ME IF I WANT TOAST WITH MY EGGS!

Beating myself up over nothing

I have read and heard of the dramatic weight loss many MF members have had and thought I must be doing it wrong. I must be cheating, not counting, eating the wrong foods, not "working out" enough, the list goes on.

But I just read a thread that reminded me if you follow MF the lost should be a min of 2 lbs. Which IS what I am doing. I was looking at my graphs all wrong. Since I am an every day weigh-er (I know) I have an excellent record. I looked at each week specifically and I have been neting a loss of 2.something pounds every week. I am successful!

Forget this Scarlett Letter "Cheater" crap. I am on track. I feel like I am coming out of the dark and into the light. Thank you Plato, I choose my sun.


!Cheater survives Pampered Chef party!

I am a self-proclaimed cheater. I am working on my flaws and seeing more result with each change to my lifestyle.

I needed some girl-time so I said I would go to a party after work. I had been starving by lunch time so happened to try a cup of salad with only some red wine vinegar sprinkled at lunch and a shake in my office. Another shake in the afternoon, and a bar (#5 meal) on the way to the party since I wouldn't eat dinner until about 9pm.

The meal: chicken, red and green peppers, and onions in a cooker. The app: Guacamole dip (just veggies?). Dessert: chocolate cake with microwaved melted chocolate and caramel icecream topping drizzled over to soak in, topped with chopped nuts and another swizzle coating of the remaining caramel.

The cake was sitting right in front of my seat the whole time.

When it was time to eat I had at most 2 oz of the shredded chicken (2 pcs size of my female watch face), two pepper strips, two strips of onions, and three tbsp worth of guac dip, and one chip holding another tsp of guac dip. That is it! No cake! No tortilla wrap! And only the one chip, of course THEN the forks arrived. ugh. I do have to admit I don't like chocolate cake. But still, it was right in front of me. And that oooy,gooy topping!

I was very impressed with myself and wanted to share my success. Talk about a non-scale victory! I went home to cook a stir-fry with shrimp soaking in lime juice, two tablespoons of low sodium soy sauce, cauliflower, collard greens, curry powder, and a cup of bullion. It was delic! I ate that, made corn and green beans for DH.

I think I did great! The chick next to me killed her diet, but I stuck to mine! Even asked for a plate when they ran out so I could skip my favorite wraps.

Ketosis, I know when

I know I am back into ketosis when I get off the treadmill, head out to work and don't feel tired. I feel exhilarated. I am ready to take on the world. Its a great feeling. Now I just have to remember how good this feels before I break down for the stupid carbs.

Friday, July 15, 2011

13 down

Weighed in this am at 13 pounds down.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

adding to the yuck to get the yum

I was not happy with the cream of broccoli soup. I originally put it in a cup and mixed and then heated, as per instructions. I wanted to vomit. To each our own, I know.

I found it so nasty I wasn't hungry all day, it was a 3/1, ugh!

I was fiending for food after dinner tonight. With one meal left I decided to make dun dun dun!!! Broccoli soup.

I put water into a small pot on the stove. I added a tsp of chix bullion (optional snack), heated the water throughout. Then I added parsley, the CoB soup mix, and slowly starred every time I saw that weird gross foam.

After it was heated through I tasted it. Very, very salty, so I added about another cup of warm tap water to cool it off, lessen the salt, and give me a bit more. Not bad, not bad at all.

After about eating half of it I added a good dash of hot sauce. Much better. So from now on this is my recipe to eat Cream of Broccoli soup.

lost 11lb, passed the 229 mark!!

just an update. i passed the 229 mark. first it was at 228, and then at 226. i know, two is just as likely to go up as down, but i haven't been here in well over 6 months. go me!
I am thinking facial for my 220 mark. not sure what my 230 mark should have been. exercise is my key. walking at 3.0 is getting much easier, not sweating as much. started to jog at 3.5 for 5 minutes in the middle of my 30 min total on the treadmill.

the shock of sweet tea

i am still stuck in the mentality that sweat tea is better than diet soda. but i compared the two today and whoa was i wrong. at 64 oz we are talking a different of almost 400 calories for the st and 1 cal for diet coke. i am so used to my brat diet of tea. but the sugar is the killer! i needed to see it in numbers. good thing i only drink it when we are out to dinner. from now on i am following my friend's example and going to the syrup.
what a shock.

Monday, July 11, 2011

226 over the weekend

Its been a while since I updated this. Not much to speak of.

Over the weekend I was down to 226. This morning, after a heavy and bad dinner, I am up two pounds to 228.

I have been walking for 30 mins at a speed of 3.0. Yesterday I tried a 5 minute jog at 3.5. It was almost too slow for the jog. I tried again today. It was easier to regulate my breathing which was all over the places yesterday.

I bought a few new songs from the Itunes store and those woke me up this am and helped the half hour go much faster this morning.

I took some measurement and added them to the Medifast website. I was temped to take before and after pic but decided not to in case I didn't lose as much as I wanted and became discouraged. Plus there are plenty of waist up pics to compare.

I believe all last week I was at 228 so I pasted the plateau. For me the key is exercise. To be honest, the 226 was probably from lack of water weight. I did not get my 64 oz in.

I need to think of what my 10 pound present is to myself. I decided when I get to 20 pounds it will either be a massage, if I can last out that long, or a facial. I want a mani and pedi but the nail fungus just won't go way. Its not obvious at all, but still, I just wont do it. Apparently it does go away, I am just very susceptible, so says the Doc.

Will be skipping yoga/tai chi/pilates today to get my eyes checked. I am positive I need a new Rx. I am also going to get transition lenses for two of them and maybe a pair of Rx sunglasses. But those have to wait for another payday.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Just cant pass 229

Just cant pass 229.
My standing, not eating morning weight is 229 on weekends. It has been for a few weeks (yay). I just can't bust it or keep it during the week. I need to get focused and motivated with exercise to jump thus plateau. I have noticed I eat only two or three MF meals and dinner on weekends. But I just can't get through the work day on two or three, nor am I supposed to.

Exercise is the word. Motivation is the problem. I need to just shell out the dough and buy some songs from the ipod store to listen to.

Why is it when I finally get motivated to exercise hubbs is always sleeping? sheesh lol

Sunday, July 3, 2011

soar throat, motivation to eat

i seem to have caught the cold going around the office. i was wide awake at 530 am with a soar throat. i hoped it was just on account of the smoke from the fireworks the kids were setting off. but wide awake at 530 after going to bed at 1, i dont think so.

shrimp boil at cathy's. delic. ate too much. had two pieces of corn, two potatoes (both no-nos) and plenty of shrimp. i also had chips and dip.

what really killed me was the margarita mix that was in a nice pump ball next to my seat, lol. but i had a great time and was sober the whole time, mixing water with the drink to weaken it, and so i could drive.

i feel sick, that lazy, i don't care feeling. its 315 and i havent even gone to sit outside yet! not a thought about getting on the treadmill, only, good day to watch movies.... yup, the sick is coming on. i took my vitals and a zinc. heres to a fast recovery or no bbq tomorrow.

on the plus side i have no motivation to eat bc i don't want to swallow.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Medi website

Today I registered for the Medifast website. I should have done this the moment I decided and bought my first month's meals.

Not only does it have a blog spot where members can comment and encourage, it has an electronic daily meal watch, which is easier to use than the paper one, a way to enter exercise and it even tracks cholesterol or fat or cals, etc.

I also found out since Week 1 I should have been doing toning exercises. I am pissed. If I had just done it and gotten it over with, I thought it over tons of times, I would be in better shape. Laziness, pure laziness on my part.

But I have it now, and actually, honestly, I am probably in better shape than the beginners. I printed it out and am now debating printing out the exercises for week 1-6 (now way past) for intermediate.

Today was another starving day. I made it through but was so hungry. I am serious about eating carbs and then my body being starving. Maybe this is what Laurie meant when she said it would take my body 3 days to go back to diet burning.... three days of starving to get used to it again.

At least my no.2 is back in order. I'll tell ya, when IBS kicks in a mostly liquid diet is sooo bad.

I went through the cupboards and am so wanting my organic mac and cheeeeeeeeese!!!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Soup is the word

Soup. Word.

Water based, non cream soups are the way to go. I love them and they don't stick around on the scale. I found this out this morning.

I need to bust out that cabbage soup WW recipe Uncle Ted gave me. And make it once a week.

Last night was homemade veggie based soup with garlic, onions, and escarole. Plus seasonings. And I was not happy to see the K veggie bullion has MSG. No wonder it tastes good.

Mostly filling, extremely variable in taste and spiciness, I just love soup in all its reincarnations.

Next will be pumpkin soup, too bad its so high in carbs.

Insomnia struck again and I was too exhausted to get up this morning for my walk. Perhaps Ill go after my hair appointment, and ruin her styling. Ugh.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Isomnia killed the workout star

I should have known it was going to rain when I started to have a headache that would not abate. It was probably a migraine, but two advil made it tolerable and with the movie we watched I totally forgot.

But I could not fall asleep. Fast forward to this morning, I could not stay awake. The storm woke me up around 2 maybe and from then on it was a series of crazy dreams and wakeful tossing and turning.

At 4 I decided to try to stay in bed and not do my walk that early. More tossing and turning led me to work late. Maybe I'll do my walk when I get home. In retrospect, I should have just gotten up and walked a slow walk.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Workout Week 2

I hit the treadmill at 3.0 speed for 30 mins. Skipped Sat. but did it Sunday and this morning. I did not want to get up today.

Start out weight is now 231. Hubbs suggested I weigh myself of Thursdays since I eat totally different on weekends. It makes quite a bit of sense.

I am happy about the treadmill. Happy I am sticking with it. At some point I will charge my Ipod, download some newer songs, the 80s are boring now, and use that for motivation through the whole 1800 seconds. I hate commercials. Hate them. But the music channels don't always have enough beat for me. Actually, what am I talking about. I can just put on Mexican station and that will keep me going. I just don't think like this right out of bed.

Dinner tonight will be homemade soup. I precooked oatmeal cookies and pancakes, but neither seem appetizing right now. Oh well, this is why I fail at precooked food. Its just not as good as spare-of-the-moment take out.

To finish today, I tried on 2 pair of shorts to wear today. They both pulled right off. Can't be having that at work ;-) Yay getting skinny. Oh, and hubbs said my bum was getting "grabbier."
Yay for definition

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Workout day 3 and skip 4

Day 3 In review. Went to Dr. and scale said 230.something. Go me! So the 5 pounds during the week is removed by walking a half hour a day, specifically in the am.

Rewind to Day 2 evening. I decide to go to Zumba alone, Lee had plans. On my way there I get a premonition that it is canceled. As I check in I see the sign, Canceled. So I get on the elliptical machine for a half hour. Treadmill in am for half hour, elliptical at 530 for half hour. This is much better than waiting for a stupid class. A class that I like.

Return to today, or rather yesterday. I feel good in my clothes. I am actually more lumpy as it all moves around, at least that's what it looks like. But I feel much better. I have energy.

I decided to switch my alarm clock to 5.30 instead of 6 so that when I lay around I will be on time. It worked ok today except that there was no treadmill so I could get the call from Hubbs about Tech and be out of work early enough for dinner plans. Not to mention I was up late sending out emails. Figures, but they are all done!

Wrap up: half hour at 3.0 on the treadmill is do-able and I feel great. During the day I am energized. I like this working out, in my home, on my own schedule.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Workout Day No. 2

I got on the treadmill yesterday morning trying for an hour.

Today I tried for half an hour. The music was waning at about 25 mins. So I pushed the speed up to 3.0 in slow increments.

I got there and now I can feel it in my legs and my glutes. Hello nice butt!

Now I gotta keep up with this every day. I have been making it into work by 9am. If I could only just get up and out of bed! I say working 9-5 is good, but with the sun out and it being nice at 5, not to mention being up early, my brain wants to shut down.

And my food gets crazy. I actually need to eat every 2 hours. After dinner its still every 2 hours. Which leads me to cheat. I did have an extra soup since I skipped the last meal for dinner. So it was in my plan. The turtle chex mix not so much. But the 4 pickle spears was an accepted snack.

Hubbs is fished-out. I could eat it every day!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Monday AM treadmill

I was up and back in bed numerous times since my alarm went off. However, I did get on the treadmill!! I was hoping for an hour, but Prince/Sign-man's When Doves Cry is just not my jam. Three slow songs and the last 3 minutes were hell.

Here is to walking in the AM!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

A plateau of my own

So today I weighed myself at 230.1. I realized I have been here, via my blog, for about 3 weeks. I need to get strict. And by strict I need a personal assistant to slap my hand every time I eat badly. Luckily, this week we will be fished out. We have 2 pounds or something crazy like that, of red snapper, plus the snapper I purchased.

Actually what I need is a personal assistant, via a phone app, to pop up and say, no that has carbs in it, this is why you are not realizing it....

For whatever reason weekends are always my skinny times. Maybe its because I have been trimming hedges and doing nothing during the week. Its the same old sob story, the gym classes I want are too late in the day, I can't go home in between for a break. I don't have time afterwards for anything.

Things have been crazy around here. Not really in the house but in my life. Little things here and there that need to be purchased with no money, cleaned, moved, done, updated. Normal life stuff. Just on a not pay week. So annoying. Numbered List
I need to make a "to do list when we have extra money that is not going to pay off my student loans" list. That about sums everything up.

Back to the battle of the bulge. I like eating the "icecream" I make with this diet (a powder packet plus water or shaved ice) and could eat that all weekend. Which is totally fine on this diet. Its health benefits are amazing. To me anyway. I don't need a multivitamin. I don't have IBS. I don't feel hungry as long as I am mentally busy. I know, I say I am starving at work all the time. This is because I sit in one place and work with numerous clocks around me. When I am home on the weekends I simply have the idea to take a break pop in my head and I check the time. Plus or minus half an hour. If I am outside I usually swig down a shake in less than 2 minutes... more the need for water than anything. But as long as I am totally engrossed in something I don't think about it until my body needs the next 100 cals. I love weekends!

I decided I need to go to work later, get on the treadmill in the am, and then I will work until the gym. It worked while hubbs was deployed it can work now. The only problem is that I want dinner at 5! I want to be home with him! We have lived so long passing by while one is up and the other is asleep, one going to work while the other is just getting home and running out again. its summer, I have less hours and I want to enjoy it.

SSsccccrrraaaaattttttcccchhhhhh. That was the record of my inner monologue coming to a screeching halt. I need to focus on my health. The problem here is that mental health plays a key roll (ha, mean role) in physical health, and vice versa. So where does that put me? In the category of you ate too much to feel better about being sick and now you are so heavy its making you sick.

Someone just told me, and don't quote me on this, it takes burning 3500 cals to make up for a meal. That might not have been her statement, I just remember 3500 cals to burn. Maybe that was the pound of flesh damnation. How do you burn that much in an hour? I might top 150 for my treadmill walk. Ha, that is one of my diet meals. No wonder I am at a plateau.

I want to interject here and thank my hubbs, yet again, for saying, no, we are going to bed, I know you are hungry, but that is when you need to go to bed.

I need to surround myself with workout stuff. Hello money! Where are you!? I am such an out of sight out of mind. I should take the example of Kay, my yoga/ tai chi/ pilates instructor. She has to go, go, go, otherwise she won't, and its better for her family if she does. Its better for mine as well.

What kills me, recently, is that I ate take-out Thai a pretty good chuck of the time Hubbs was deployed. And I actually lost about 5 or 10 lbs when he got home. But I was at the gym all the time, working 9 to 5ish instead of 8 to 4ish.

I need an extra day between Saturday and Sunday, or Sunday and Monday, to just sit and think about what to do with my life and my body and why its not working. When I was eating bad it was at least "healthy" bad, now its baaaaddd bad. WTF is the problem.

I'm not really sure but I am having a lot of crazy dreams so its gotta be in my psyche. The crazy thing is my crazy week put me in contact with lots of women who are just as heavy or were just as or heavier than I am now. While not healthy, I am definatly not as F-ed up as I could be. Mentally I am pretty ok, physically too. I know my problem is shear laziness. And the fact that a damned hour takes forever to get through. And that any season but winter in Panhandle FL is dangerously hot. I can legitimize any complaint.

Since I am not doing the treadmill at night, I need to do it in the am. Lee has her dogs to force her to walk, I need my AM sunlight. Might as well use what is free right? If we moved to Alaska I would be skinny from shivering all the time.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Need to identify and reeval carb foods

Are you ready to order?

I wasn't, I had been talking. I quickly said chicken and spinach quesadilla. Healthy right? As I handed over the menu I saw the salads.

I am having trouble seeing the carbs in stuff, like wraps, where it isn't a separate side. I am fine not eating the sides but I need focus on how is it actually made?

Fish this week. Speaking of it, I haven't had any but my heartburn is of anchovies. Ew. We will make the cioppino for Monday, BBQ party today.

I also need to make more of an effort to eat every 2 hours on the weekends. I eat so much less and less often that my food count is off.

I decided no more "cheating" as in the word itself. That just makes things even worse. I need to use lax, free, not strict... etc. I had a good one earlier but forgot.
- Just took a break to dance to Technotronic's Shake That Body. Love that song!!! And I love dancing. Where is Shirley when I need her to go dancing with me?

Friday, June 10, 2011

TGIF the end of a bad week.

I'll get to the good stuff first. I walked over 2 miles yesterday on the tread mill and lasted 45 minutes! I could have gone an hour but I was in my fashion sneakers and so my feet were hurting. Yeah, yeah, I know. But I was not exhausted or worn out or tired, other than for the fact it was then 9 pm. Love this diet!

Now, about that diet... This week was so bad. But before I get to that, I stopped off and bought a filet of red snapper, which I have never tried to make myself, two of tilapia, and two fistfuls of shrimp from my local fish shack. I cut and weighed the fish. Cutting was stupid because whole tilapia filet was well within my protein limit. I was surprised. As for the snapper, I cut it into thirds. Those babies and the shrimp, which was way over the protein limit all went into the freezer when I heard Hubbs had a bad day and Chinese food came up.

I convinced him to get something healthier than General Tso's Chix. I was proud of him. I made up the plates. Both got half of our order, mine was chix w veggies, the other half of his plate got his rice. My half was were I put my little order of hot and sour soup... my fav!

I wanted to eat more than that and so I sat down with a full bottle of water and drank it down. Then I cleaned up the plates, put the left overs (!) in the fridge and got my socks to get on the treadmill to work off the pasta from Girls Night Wed Night. Ugh! I think I burned enough cals to take care of the EVOO I dipped my (gasp) crusty Italian bread in.

But go me for walking past 1 mile and half an hour on the treadmill. I read this story in one of the health mags about a woman who worked out to get to her goal weight, ate right, etc. She detailed how she mixes up cardio for a total of 1 hour. I have been thinking of it over and over again. Actually I think mom might have sent it to me. Anyway, an hour of cardio is my goal.

My 45 min fast walk, I sweated, but not as much as I wanted to. I wasn't soaked, so I felt let down and motivated to go at it again.

Today I grabbed backyard burger for lunch. This week is toast, so why not? I took of the bun, go me! and cut up the chix breast and veggies with a fork and knife. Yes, chix from a burger place. i planned to get the burger and chix came out. Oh well, so my protein is maxed for today.

I have a date at Hellenback for pizza (ugh) and beer and then a going away for a fellow mil spouse that I am gonna try to hit up. Somewhere in there, or after but before I pass out, I want to get on the treadmill. I just had a fleeting thought of getting up early to treadmill.... but if I do that I might as well go to toning zumba and yoga. Ugh. who knows. But I am really liking this drive to work out.

Walking always seems to tone me up which changes how I see myself, for the better. I have a bbq party on Sunday. Week 5 I have to be strict! I am paying for this diet, I need to focus.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Cruise weight is gone, Energy is UP!

I realized that my cruise weight is now gone. Anything else is real weight loss.

Yesterday Lee and I walked 3 miles. It seemed too far but could have been the heat.

Today was Zumba. While I love it I usually count the minutes and complain. But I did excellent today. I sweated as usual, nothing surprising about that. And while I did watch the clock, I was very surprised I was not dying.

I believe this is the energy everyone is talking about. It could have been just the first day of zumba. But I left feeling really pumped not exhausted. If this is the case, I am sold on this diet.

Unfortunately, after dinner I was starving. I did make it home not stopping off half way, good thing I had my oatmeal cookies I baked to eat on. I ate enough protein, broccoli, and salad. But I felt like I needed more. Maybe Ill make a brownie later on.

I just want to say I hate commercials almost as much as I hate the drive home after the gym.... past ALL of the restaurants and fast food places. Ugh!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Wasted calories, so pissed at myself.

I planned to cheat tonight. I do it so often I guess I can't call it cheating.

Anyway, I planned to go to the Billy Bowlegs parade and either get a burger, planned to throw the bun away (yes, I fantasized about this while being hungry earlier in the day, like 1 pm), or chips and cheese at Tijuana Flats. We ended up watching the parade at TF and after a while I was bored. We had no chairs because I forgot to remind Hubbs to grab them. And I had just walked 3 miles with Lee. I was ready to get off my feet, eat, and shower. If I could choose, it would be shower, off my feet and eat.

The wreck of the day was not the TF, it was that I did not know tostada was basically a loaded nacho. Or is there. There wasn't enough chix on there to count as my 5 oz. Ugh! I was so upset when I saw it was nacho thing I had half a mind to ask for a box and order something else. I really wanted to but the thought to stop that -which was ridiculous- was, but that's more money. Its not like I am rolling quahtahs here! There is no shame in that, but not a worry I should be having.

As soon as I tasted it, I didn't want it. Now, home, over an hour later, I am angry with myself. Not only did I surrender to the crush of the crowd, order something new (which I usually do), but I didn't ask, DID NOT ASK, what the hell I was getting. Duh! (I hate that phrase, but it is so applicable here.) There only thing I can think of was that I was so hungry. It was over my 2 hour meal mark.

I have to interject here. I have gotten really good at noticing I am hungry, when I am out, and it clocks at 2 hours. Unless I am totally absorbed in something, it rarely stretched past 2 on the dot. But Yay for me! I was totally starving today, not sure why that was.

To make matters worse, a piece of food was stuck in my tooth and I had heartburn. Could this meal have been any more DON'T EAT ME than that? It was, actually. Every bite my brain said, carbs! empty cals! not worth it! not enough protien! carbs! empty cals! where are my veggies? over and over and over. My brain has actually become trained to tell me no. I still ate it because of that weird $$ thought. But this is huge. If I had a therapist I would say, we are making some serious progress. Instead of shove it in nam nam nam it is telling me no, stop, don't do it. Yay to my brain, you get to play sudoku tonight as a treat! (I do sudoku every night).

Of course, now I have a bunch of bull sh*t loading my tummy down and I am not eating the salad I was day dreaming about on my ride home. That could also be exhaustion, since I am typing in bed.

As a final note, I would like to be one of those people who never sweats nor do they apparently need to. I am a sweaty. Its gross. And smelly, but at least I am not a smelly all the time. I just hate showering twice in one day.

down to 229!!!!!!! Weekend wrap-up

First things first. Sunday morning weigh in .... drum roll: 229!

I checked today, 233, not surprising since we ate dinner at 9pm. But hey! Its working, damn it!

Pork is sooo a nono food. Good thing we only have one more dinner of it and then on to the fish.

Went to visit Cathy. Not only do I love her anyway, but her pool and hot tub had me waking up today ready with energy and relaxed for any delays. I need to visit her more often. Like once a week. lol

That is about it. I found it hard to get all of my meals in on the weekends especially when I am not around. If I am home, inside, I get hungry every 2 hours, almost on the dot. But outside or running around I end up missing and then want to eat an entire Chinese food buffet. Its too bad its so hot out now (87 at 7am) because my bars are melting in the car. Otherwise I would be able to leave them in there for emergencies.

Sunday I set up my next shipment of food. Trying all new stuff. Laurie said to try the eggs on the stove instead of the microwave. Haven't tried it, but for everyone at work, you are safe this week. Saturday night I made some of the oatmeal into cookies since that smells like dog food, again, my poor coworkers. Never complain about it to me, thank you all so much. I baked them in the toaster oven. I love that toaster over. Thanks MIL!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Saturday, week 3 recap

I have been out of the office almost all week so my eating has been crazy. I got a 12 in flat bread from subway, got all my veggies in, and realized I dont need the bread. It almost tasted strange to be eating a carb.

Last night we tried a new sushi place. I know, carb central in sushi rolls. This AM, I was super sick, although it did seemed more like my last pepper dinner.

Lost almost 10 pounds! Need to get my digi scale today to make a more accurate account.

Need to work on my veggie intake, and as Laurie said today, need to be more strict. Since I am not working job 2 this week dinner will be easier. As a matter of fact, I cooked 5 portions of my special pancake packs so I have breakfast nice and ready to eat in the car and get my food schedule back on track.

Also, Monday starts work out day!!! That means the end of the 3 week workout hiatus. My body is hating me and wants activity, although I know I will HATE getting back into my classes. Inactivity is a hard spiral to get out of. There is the want and then the laziness and then the push too hard, the break to heal soar muscles, and then the push to go back.

Mom's idea was to get on the treadmill. I think I might after my veggie shopping :-)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

"Stop baiting yourself!" Wed,

This is what my husband said to me last night after seeing that I brought home nacho cheese sauce product. (it can't be real cheese) I ate some with the last of the ruffles, total grease nastiness. But I wanted a carrier for my cheese and didn't feel like eating salty tortilla chips. I put the rest of it in the fridge, it is my absolute weakness, and hubbs roused himself from sleep to explain to me what baiting was-I wasn't sure if it was obvious or some southern term referring to our conversation.

"Why do you keep that crap around, baiting you on your diet?" It was so obvious. Get rid of it! But I did not. More on this later.

Yesterday I had some bad news, the worry potential went through the roof when there was no need yet. Still. I of course wanted to feed it with cupcakes or Chinese food. But I realized this was just a feel-good effort because I didn't even want to taste the food, just shovel it in. Good thing I have my diet to fall back on! So the preset food held me until I headed home. I broke down and got fries from Bk. Bad idea since I had stir-fry w coconut milk (already a nono with IBS) planned for dinner. The stress of unneeded worry is also really bad for IBS.

Wedn. I had to work the cook job. I started out good. I ate a chix breast (which usually makes me sick there...processed?), tried a chorizo (I think) sausage. It was good, but I could see the fat. Had I eaten a roll with it I might have been safe. And I tried (2 tsp of ) the most delic bean soup care of Clarence. Delic. Should have filled up on that; but was thinking beans and carbs. I made it home around 930 or 10 and was hunting for veggies. I ate a salad with minimal dressing (yay) and maued on my cheese product.

Fast fwd to Thurs morning... sicker than a dog with IBS. Why? because I am a dumb ass. Although, to be fair, we have tons of delic ribs left over from Memorial Day, and those would make me sick.... but maybe not like this yuck. As usual, while being sick I swore to myself I would toss everything out and never eat it again. But nacho cheese, in all its fat as Hubbs pointed out, is bad bad bad and soooooooo good. I will deal with it later.

If I can stay out of the bathroom long enough to get ready, I might make it to work on time. On the plus side, getting sick is great motivation to get out of bed and a real eye-opener in the early morning hours. I am making some headway on my bathroom reading, actually.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

But who's counting?

A week since Tuesday, Day 16?

Mom and Dad came into town on Wed. We ate BWWings, blue cheese and carrots and celery. Not what I was used to, and since it was fried, it exited immediately.

I maintained my diet during the day and then ate whatever at night. We took M&D to McGuire's (yes, again,) to celebrate the secret news on Thursday night. They had a truly amazing time and the food portions and quality blew them away. It was a great experience. And my IBS is so ingrained I got the bean soup, I feel like this is deja vu... but with each bite of this delicious 12 cent bean soup, I couldn't help but think, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs.

Prior to McG I took Mom to the Commissary on base. She was utterly amazed at the super low prices. We only needed salad stuff, really.

Friday Hubbs had to work and we just sat around and enjoyed doing nothing. Mom and I went out to Gulf Coast Seafood, the little blue shack-looking structure in downtown FWB. Excellent, I love that place. We bought a pound of shrimp and headed over to Publix since they hadn't gotten the clams yet. After seeing the price of muscles and scallops we decided to just go with the two items. She made this amazing Cioppino (kettle of fish) she found online. No carbs! As long as you do not dip bread in it. **We did skip the flakey fish... my dad and I like it.

Saturday was a sunning day from Mom and myself while the guys talked about whatever was on tv. We hit the beach on base at about 4 which was perfect. Scored a few Adirondack chairs and doggy paddled around the three feet of water. I thought it was perfect since it is so shallow for so far. Of course, the racing boats made the waves I was trying to avoid, and there were no jumping fish (mullet) for them to see due to all the activity. We all had a great time. Including hubbs!

Sunday was their driving day, leaving about 9 or 10 I think. I sat out in the shade all day and read a library book. We had steak for dinner, broccoli, salad. I was bad and had mashed potatoes... so good, but definitely something I can leave behind now. And we had a fried up onion, also bad for me. That was more for him. I am thinking maybe rolls, which I have decided I can live without, as well, but there are still refrigerator rolls on the back shelf, so who knows. May be time to throw those babies.

Monday I gardened from 8am to 1pm in a t-shirt, long sleeved shirt over it, long, thick jeans, sneakers, and my beach hat. Those bugs were not getting to me!

I was dead exhausted. It was 95* outside I was later told. But my side bushes look so much better. I had originally just clipped small branches. But I got out my hand saw from my field bag, Go Archaeo!, and sawed off the limbs that grew out to bend to the sun. After clearing so much away I saw evidence that these had been pruned once before, long before. It was a nice feeling to see my labor had been shared by someone who cared once. The devastation left in my wake will take weeks to be removed. However, perhaps now we can grow some grass and have less mosquitoes attacking me. Having cleaned up the under branches we now have a wonderful breeze. It all started with clearing the side walk of foliage and then I just kept sawing. So much better now. I should take pictures. Anyone have hedge trimmers I could borrow??

I plan to plant citronella plants around the house to get rid of those pests. I was worried the whole time I trimmed branches that I would be hurting the ecosystem right there in the little stream, cutting spider habitats, opening it up so no food source would stick. But I have to live here, so with a care, those pests are going! Now to just get rid of the yellow flies and their painful bites!!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Tueday Day 2 again or Day 9

Had a shake at 10, 1030ish and am starving by 1245!

Finally ate the soup, hand over fist really. Almost 1.15. I did not drink my morning water, no wonder I was starving. And I ate the soup so fast because I wasn't drinking water during the "meal."

I do not want to go to work tonight. Just wanted to share that. As a matter of fact I do not want this job anymore, but I need it in the event we ever PCS out of here and the place we end up at has no archaeology jobs. Surprise, Surprise.

Successes: Lost about 5 pounds over the weekend (checked then). Looked at myself today and thought I looked leaner. This is amazing, actually. I don't usually think that. Especially not after a horrible nightmarish dream, which attacked me this morning. Usually I am sort of mad at the world and preoccupied with psychoanalyzing myself.

I am going to have to do a shake at around 4 and then one at work around 6. If I remember, I will try to bring a bar as well. Being around all those carbs will kill me. Stupid work.

Forgot my bar, no help on the way to work.

I failed. Hunger hit so I made a chix breast. As I ate it I realized I was chewing each small mouthful 20 times. Go me! Its becoming second nature. The chix just made me realize how hungry I was. So I ate a basket of left over fries. Sooooo goood..... soooo bad. There were no veggies to eat. I could have had a few tomatoes but those are not allowed now and at work they are weighing everything. Nevermind that.

I came home and at my left over sweet and sour soup, small, and put a few eggs on to boil. After a while I took them off and put them in the fridge. Time for bed. I should have gone to bed before the soup.

Exhausted but excited. Mom and dad are visiting in less than 24 hours. They should be here around dinner time or after. The dog will be here until Thursday morning so they get some dog time. We will miss Mia (meeah). She is perfect, perfectly trained. We tire her out in the back yard and there is no barking (except if someone enters the front door, like when I get home for the day), no nervous whining, crying or pacing. She is great. As my buddy, Ceasar Milan says, exercise. She has been taught to bring the ball back and drop it, and also to sit for a brushing. Excellent job Alisha and Travis. We will miss her ;.(

Monday, May 23, 2011

Monday Week 2... or 1 again?

Morning news. I lost a few more pounds. Probably from this crazy weekend. Just got to keep it off.
Could not get up this am, dreaming right through my alarm and the dog licking my hand.

Got up, let her out, she didn't like the freshly watered grass. Getting ready was like in slow motion, my brain was waterlogged. Got into work, drank my coffee and had my breakfast strawberry shake at 10am. Starving by 11.30. Just need to hold out another half hour. And drink my morning three glasses of water to fill my belly and rehydrate. Scheduled to donate platelets today. Not sure its a good idea bc I have to eat sweets after to get my blood moving again. But I am the universal donor and I can't help but say yes. We will see.

The gross chix and rice soup, which actually smells nice, was made at 12.30 and consumed within less than 15 minutes. I am hungry. I have another 28 oz of water to drink and then if that doesn't staunch the mungries (somewhere between munchies and hungry), I might have a lunch desert of chocolate shake. After eating the rehydrated peas from the soup I really want the $1 cup of soup with all the ramen in it. Ugh!

1pm. hungry. Drank 16 oz. Broke drown and nabbed a Worther's hard candy from the kitchen. This is how the day is going to go. Drat! All the gum packets I grabbed to hold me over are in the car. I totally forgot to bring them in.
10 minutes later and I am mad a drinking, sick of drinking, and I want to chew food. I need to bring those meal bars in- bingo! I did bring a box in and forgot about it. But now the water is filling me up and the flavor of the candy is satiating.

1damn30 and I'm burping up water and my belly feels empty making this weird hunger/need to chew even more bizarre. Thoughts anyone????

snippet from office talk...."that's because you're hungry, sh!t on a shingle would probably taste good to you right about now," "no, but I could chew the shingle."

2.15 its only been an hour since my shake. I want something. I need to drink my afternoon water. blah. Maybe I'll find a tall cup and mix some bubbly with crystal light.

Busy working. 4.15 brought a chocolate shake, why does chocolate always clump?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Sunday Crazy Sunday

Got up early to pick up Alisha's dog, we are watching it for a few days while she prepares to move back home. Skipped breakfast to have later on when we got back. Turns out I stayed to help her box stuff up. Somewhere around 1030 they were starving so a quick trip to Md's brought me to a drink, a frozen lemonade, and a parfait.

In retrospect I could have gotten a sandwich and pealed everything off. But I think I did pretty well with my parfait. I was full and did not even want a french fry that was sitting right in front of me. Yeah, baby, yeah.

Back for more packing, friendly sanity, and baby socks galore. I got home and had a strawberry shake. Gardening in the sun , Billy asked me please not to overexert myself. And I did... totally dehydrated.

Most of the day was a blur of sleep depravity and hunger unknown. But it was relaxing and we watched Mia, the dog, chase bugs a and bird shadows. She would make a great herding dog they way she chased Billy around the back yard.

Finish with a move. Its been ages since we watched a movie together... Billy. It has.

-----fast fwd to monday morning, forgot to post this. apparently I fell asleep.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Saturday, first weekend

Up at 830 am and Medi pancakes for breakfast at 930. I took Karen's coworker's advice and put a thin bit of peanut butter on them. Billy made them and liked the shaker deal. They didn't taste very good but will be fine covered in something. And it took way more than 20 chews to eat. Score. Three cups of coffee in and I was good.

Relaxed and took care of some bills. We discussed where we wanted to check out the fishing potential and on the way out I made a soft serve ice cream in the shaker jar. I switched the ice on the fridge to crush and pulled out the big chunks and shook it for about a minute. Chocolate mint was mighty fine. And crushed ice in the shaker is just fine. So that will have to be a home staple. No blender necessary.

We grabbed some Moes since I had a bogo coupon and Billy was craving it. I got the chix salad, no taco shell. I should have skipped the beans (still in my IBS mode) and didn't pay attention to what I said yes to, cheese. I got the vinaigrette and only used one- go me! I topped it with my favorite green fresh cilantro salsa. I also scrapped off most of the cheese and beans. I did try.

I was very full and toss half the bowl. Go me and not feeling like I have to finish. Veggies that are not included in week 1 diet: cucumber, tomato, onions. I still skipped the carbs. It "hurt" to say no to my chips and queso. But I feel better.

As a matter of fact, I had so much energy I attacked the "garden" along the front of the house, the two sago palms, a 5 foot stretch of pricker vines, and monkey grass clumps. Just looked up the monkey grass.... apparently they flower. Oops. It looked like a mess.

My gardening thoughts include applying a new layer of soil down (mucho denero), and either plant some flowers or leave them in pots in the garden.... Or now I am thinking of grabbing a bunch of the monkey grass, if its affordable, and filling up the garden so it is nice and green and alive. I need to get the list of plants my mother had on Ashwood Ave. I loved those.

So I attacked the garden and definitely hit my wall after about an hour. But go me. I am really liking this new rx dose. Its going to take a bit to get used to. But the energy is high.

Oh, as I posted on facebook, after my success shake we checked out a nice lake and walked around part of it. I showed Billy a catface cut tree which still had the apron attached and we had a quick lesson on the naval stores turpentining industry in the area. I need to get my camera and get back there. More exercise - CHECK. Shoes? flipflops, so not prepared.

Stopped by the see Alisha and the moving progress, hit up the commissary, and then came home and vacuumed out my trunk, rearranged my tools, checked out my spare tires, and it looks nice and pretty. Then I attacked the garden.

Its 10pm. I am thinking of a shake and then going to bed. I didn't drink enough water and assume my optional condiments, option snack, veggie/salad, healthy fat serving, and lean protein were all taken care of by my Moes salad. I think I am over Moes. Good thing for my diet.