Monday, June 6, 2011

Wasted calories, so pissed at myself.

I planned to cheat tonight. I do it so often I guess I can't call it cheating.

Anyway, I planned to go to the Billy Bowlegs parade and either get a burger, planned to throw the bun away (yes, I fantasized about this while being hungry earlier in the day, like 1 pm), or chips and cheese at Tijuana Flats. We ended up watching the parade at TF and after a while I was bored. We had no chairs because I forgot to remind Hubbs to grab them. And I had just walked 3 miles with Lee. I was ready to get off my feet, eat, and shower. If I could choose, it would be shower, off my feet and eat.

The wreck of the day was not the TF, it was that I did not know tostada was basically a loaded nacho. Or is there. There wasn't enough chix on there to count as my 5 oz. Ugh! I was so upset when I saw it was nacho thing I had half a mind to ask for a box and order something else. I really wanted to but the thought to stop that -which was ridiculous- was, but that's more money. Its not like I am rolling quahtahs here! There is no shame in that, but not a worry I should be having.

As soon as I tasted it, I didn't want it. Now, home, over an hour later, I am angry with myself. Not only did I surrender to the crush of the crowd, order something new (which I usually do), but I didn't ask, DID NOT ASK, what the hell I was getting. Duh! (I hate that phrase, but it is so applicable here.) There only thing I can think of was that I was so hungry. It was over my 2 hour meal mark.

I have to interject here. I have gotten really good at noticing I am hungry, when I am out, and it clocks at 2 hours. Unless I am totally absorbed in something, it rarely stretched past 2 on the dot. But Yay for me! I was totally starving today, not sure why that was.

To make matters worse, a piece of food was stuck in my tooth and I had heartburn. Could this meal have been any more DON'T EAT ME than that? It was, actually. Every bite my brain said, carbs! empty cals! not worth it! not enough protien! carbs! empty cals! where are my veggies? over and over and over. My brain has actually become trained to tell me no. I still ate it because of that weird $$ thought. But this is huge. If I had a therapist I would say, we are making some serious progress. Instead of shove it in nam nam nam it is telling me no, stop, don't do it. Yay to my brain, you get to play sudoku tonight as a treat! (I do sudoku every night).

Of course, now I have a bunch of bull sh*t loading my tummy down and I am not eating the salad I was day dreaming about on my ride home. That could also be exhaustion, since I am typing in bed.

As a final note, I would like to be one of those people who never sweats nor do they apparently need to. I am a sweaty. Its gross. And smelly, but at least I am not a smelly all the time. I just hate showering twice in one day.

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