Sunday, October 16, 2011

Missing a month and minus 28.8lbs

I haven't posted in over a month now because things slowed down and became common place. I have been busy at work and randomly working the stupid cook job. Boredom set in with the food on this diet and that extended to the blogging.

I spent most of the time not eating anything. I just wasn't hungry, which was actually a wonderful welcome change from before where I was starving and counting the minutes until the next meal. Needless to say, my body held on to every fat ounce. I lost nothing. I wouldn't even have eaten dinner if DH wasn't around.

I started back up eating again, averaging 3, maybe 4 meals of the 5 I am supposed to have plus dinner. I didn't lose much in the intervening month. But I also was not exercising. A flu shot led to a week long nose run just as I was getting back into Zumba. A friend and I tried a few places around town and I was unimpressed, firstly with the lack of dancing on the instructors part, and secondly, for the cost. It averages out compared to my gym membership; each class was $5.30 at two times a week. I think I will try base in the near future which is every day at $3 only. Works for my budget and its on the way home. Now I just need to do it and get there in time to make the class size. People do get turned away.

The loss is now totaling 28.8 pounds. This diet is expensive (although with not eating I saved about a months worth of food, but no loss is no gain) and its taken a long time compared with others. However, I do have to say these others also are stay at home moms/wives/whatevers. It has also been terribly hard working the cook job with all that food around. I survived this past Friday night and Saturday night eating-wise. I did manage to get severe burns on my finger, one of which keeps filling and busting on its own accord. Ugh, this job!

DH and I go back and forth about the job. Now that our debt is almost gone (yay!), there is no need for this other job. But no need to get rid of it if I were to work at the next base. I don't want to, who would? But as we were discussing it yet again, I looked around our Great Room from the dinning room and thought, what would I do all day? His reply was, most stay-at-homes live on facebook. Not exactly what I originally envisioned for myself, but that would be why my friends always surpass me at those stupid time-sensitive games that I can never get ahead at as I am never on. So then I was thinking I should work. The down side is I probably wouldn't have the job that I do now, filled with stress, but I can take off when I need to. Can I do that at the next place? Whenever? I can't do that at the stupid cook job bc everyone else always takes off. Someone has to cover the shift. I really don't want shift work bc it will never be on his schedule but I don't have to think or care if its the only job, right? If we don't have to, why suffer like that? We have been for the past five years, it was that way when we got together and it sucked completely and utterly. He wants a boat, I want a newer car, can't have it if I don't work. Can't enjoy it if I do. Who knows, things might be great. But I don't want a repeat for the next 5 years. I already decided and said I would give up a lot, and the specifics, to not work and hate life like that. I am very glad I am employed, and the cook job has carried me when money wasn't coming in from the archaeo job.

What I would like is to be able to hang out with other spouses when they can. Not, sorry have to work, can't take a three hour lunch to drive out to meet everyone, sorry I have to work my stupid cook job after work but thanks for trying to work around my day job, sorry I can't hang with ya'll bc you will be going to where I have to work and I have to wait on you and then its awkward bc we can't really talk over the noise and other customers. Not that my ego is hurt, it just sucks. Come out and hang with us for a bit, can't because every time some wants a drink or fries so 5 turns into 10 and then its a never. One job or the other would be fine, at least more time. I say this full well knowing that the next base I might hate everyone, or vice versa, or there may not be any opportunities or I might not be able to work and I might have a hard time making friends, especially if the spouses clubs aren't mixed like it is here, a god-send, really.

Ugh. The cook job, both with its food and its stress on my life, led my one-time therapist to counter me about needing the money and the job. If its actually leading to your already high stress level and actually enabling your eating which in turn increases the stress, why suffer? Can't you cut costs other places? Plenty of military and civilian families do it every day on only one income. Health or worry?

With the nasty burns on my hand I am anti this job. But right now I am working it very little and get off the days I request. So its not bad, really. I keep telling myself, think of the money, but its not one bit motivating. I guess because I don't need to live off of it. And I am not buying shoes with the money, which would be motivating. I switched to going to Europe for archaeo with that paycheck, but haven't heard of anything recently, and its a far way off. The build up in my mind of all the things on my to-do list that happen to be there when I have to work is in infuriating. I really wonder if I am sabotaging myself. Is my sanity finally trying to strike back? Or am I actually wanting to polish all of my silver for the sheer pleasure of it in this beautiful weather when I am stuck inside under fake lighting at work?

Thanks, Mom, for the motivation to get back to my horrible blogging that all the world can see. But minus 28.8 is almost 30! Still can't fit in that blue dress.

1 comment:

  1. YAHOO - HOORAY!!! Good job on the scale. As for the exercising whether zumba or at a club -put your mind to the task -" I've G O T to do this(mantra) Stop saying "I'm going to do this".I think that's called procrastination. As for the cook job - you hate it, it's causing stress in your life 24/7 is it REALLY thet important/necessary? You're on the books for working on base, find out if you can whether that history carries throughout all the bases. If you become a stay at home spouse all of your projects would be done in your time when you want to do them, not the day some guests are coming; your laundry would most likely be done as needed (HAHAHA); & think of all the time you would have to W R I T E ! & exercise & go walking or running or riding your bike or reading perhaps at the neighborhood library where you might meet some other people with similar interests. Or.............etc. Ah well I think I've spouted enough for this afternoon. Luv ya, MUM. ps - its not really the camera - it's the photographer.