Saturday, March 17, 2012

Like a lobster and obese to overweight

Well, I did break down and get some fries and a blt chix sandwich. I was not a fan of the sandwich and each bite I kept thinking, take off the bun! Followed by, you're eating fries, what does it matter?

Interestingly enough, it fixed my belly issue and things were nice after that. Maybe I wasn't consuming enough fiber. Odd.

I laid out in the sun today to absorb some Vitamin D. I flipped every 15 minutes until after 3 when I sat for 30. Idiot. I am now painfully red in unusual spots. When was I last out in the sun in a bathing suit, you ask? Probably the last time the moon was blue. But I was excited. My regular suits were big and so I tried on a hold out, and it fit! A bit of belly bulge from underneath as it is not a long torso, like I need, but I loved it. Still love it. And so do all the bumble bees, poor things think I am a flower.

I was thinking of my favorite Vietnamese soup all day, probably from watching a food show where Emeril said he loved a Vietnamese Pho, and planned to get the soup only, $6, even cheaper with military discount. After my shower and oiling for my scorched skin, I was lazy and didn't want to go but also didn't want to have my leftover homemade soup. So I packed up some magazines and headed out. I was impressed with myself that I added, slowly, a ton of (hot) sriracha sauce. Very impressed actually. Neither it nor the fresh jalapenos had much kick to me. That is until I choked, whao was that crazy hot coming from the back to the front of my mouth. I think some got stuck in my soft pallet around my uvula. Ouch. Good thing I had a full glass of water and was facing away from everyone.

See, I went in with the idea to get a small Pho soup (still really big) and a water to drink and that's it. I had 4 meals all day, good since its a 5 meal plan plus the lean and green meal. But I was starving all day. I did eat carbs the night before so that could be why, tends to be a common trait, carbs and hunger, stay in ketosis, no nagging hunger. Anyway, whether it was hunger, the fact that usually I get a small other soup and then my larger one, or loneliness, I ended up asking for some fried spring rolls. I don't eat them normally, because the oil and my IBS are not friends. So I think at that point I was lonely and wanted time to finish my magazine. I bit into one of the 4 (I think he gave me extra) and instantly knew I didn't want it. It was good, I am not saying it wasn't. But if I am going to consume the cals, I want to want to consume those cals. That's when I was thinking maybe I was lonely. I am and I am not. But usually DH and I go and try things at this place. I almost always get the Pho (pronounced ph-ah) soup. God, I love Vietnamese food. And I will try something new and make DH taste it. That way if its not his thing, he isn't stuck eating it and looking for more being unsatisfied. I know exactly how that can be. So maybe that was it. Maybe its because its a Saturday night. Maybe because its St. Patrick's Day and I am not doing a pub crawl, which I could care less about, with people.

Do I want to leave the house? No. I actually want to be in bed right now since its after 10pm and my belly is full. But that does not mean I am not lonely in my usual endeavors. So I think that is why I ordered the thing I never order. So instead of a $4 discounted meal, I had a $12 with a 3 dollar tip to make an even 15. Ugh, figures. I don't cheat the tip when it comes to discounts. Its total amount and round up to nearest dollar. Unless its cash, which is non-taxable (shhhh don't tell the IRS) income for the staff. But I almost never carry or use cash.

Back to the restaurant, I asked if they still had military discount (I knew they did, but easier just to ask all the time) and then asked if he needed to see an id. The kid of the owners, 20 something maybe, shook his head and kinda laughed. As I was John Hancocking the bill I thought, next time I am making him give me the bill before I can order anything else! Although he did ask if I was ready after my soup... I handed it over and he said, see you next time! I had to smile at the fact that we are regulars to this family owned restaurant. And he remembered me, which is why he was surprised I said "one." Looking around me to the door, he was looking for DH.

So next time, get the LARGE soup for $2 more and not the rolls for $4, and I can eat for 2 days, at least 2 meals. Or a Chinese soup first, like I usually do, again $2 or $3, but I always get 2 meals out of my Pho then.

I entered my food into my MF food log and calculator. While I didn't add the sriracha sauce or the hoisin sauce, which I should now that I remember what its called, I am still -700 cals today! Wait! I forgot to add in my 30 mins of treadmill walk at 2.5 which brings me to 1.2 miles. I was on the treadmill talking with DH today, and Mom when she beeped in. That makes me -827. Go me, although I need to be at zero even. Negative calories means I will be hungry later on or tomorrow. What it actually means is that my weight loss might stall because my body thinks its in starvation mode. It will be fine. I added the hoisin, 3 tbs max which I think is way overboard because I like my soup hot not sweet. But there is no sriracha sauce listed. Oh well. That brings me to -721. O! No more hoisin!

I decided to do the MF chat after I logged my Pho and rolls in for dinner. The dialog was uninteresting to me and I typed like a drunkard, but someone mentioned BMI. I figured I should look mine up. At my current weight, 186.6, I am on the cusp...... of obese and overweight!!!! OMG! Just 7lbs more and it will be official, with the caveat that its a percentage thing, and on the internet, so its not exact. But from 240 to here, its amazing! The dialogue in the chat room was about their love and craving for Olive Garden. While it is yummy, it holds no sway over me anymore, nor do many others. Just look up the cals and fat in those yums, and you won't eat it all the time if ever again. I don't even like the breadsticks anymore. Maybe I'll eat half of one if I am out to lunch with others-won't let it to the table with DH and I- but I don't even want that. Go me! I think it all comes down to making the effort to search, realizing, and understanding what you are consuming. Pink slime in my meat, I am fine with that. 4000 cals for nothing, oh no. I am going to eat and enjoy for that kind of sin to my poor body. And I can eat a ton of spinach and garlic for 4000 cals. There is no going hungry or feeling miserable there!

My plan for tomorrow: SUNSCREEN (idiot! winter in Florida, hello office-dweller, that is from Mom, we already talked on the phone as I was headed to the restaurant); more moisturizing my lobster back; going to the Commissary for some more salad, creamer (as I let it sit out for 24 hours, morning is not my thing) that does not have partially hydrogenated oil in it, and any odds and ends I want, although I am list type of girl and I don't need much as I plan to clean out the freezer (except corn, a nono, that is for DH only); Class 6 for car fuel; and then home for some laundry and maybe reading or Netflix movies. Oh and pratice for that speech I have to give to about 200 people on Monday. Ugh. Talk about stressing me out. It keeps me up at night and wakes me up at odd hours. I thought someone else was giving it, she thought I was doing it. Great. Oh well. So maybe the order of unwanted rolls were from my underlying stress that won't let me get a good nights sleep. Time for me to go check.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Wanting fast food

It must be almost time because I am dying for McDonalds. At first it was the burger. My holdout is always chicken nuggets. Probably because I am a diehard for Burger King burgers, hands down better. But I love McD's fries.

I was talking with DH while making the last of my Thai beef salad and I said my craving outloud. Which garnished a definite no you don't. Don't eat that. Lucky I can walk to the nearest Mc. Which makes me think its hunger and laziness less the craving. To be fair, I only at 3 meals today.

Milk started it all. I was making my salad, which is now totally gone and prompting me to go shopping, next to a box of no bake Jello cheesecake. I need milk to make it and get it out of the house. The idea was to make it before DH left so that he could eat most of it. But we ran out of milk and I forgot to buy it the day he left. So from milk my thoughts moved to the nearby dollar store where I am sure I can get milk for an exorbitant price and then from there to the McD visible across the street. Say nothing for the nearby Waffle House, nothing because my IBS tends to hike afterwards, so we stay away until extreme drinking nights. A total of once. I heard their pork chops are to die for, but then pork is not my IBS-friendly either.

So I ate the salad and then got up and tried to make an Asian style soup with MF cream of chicken soup and MF southwest style eggs. Instead of the egg drop soup style in my head I got a nicely flavored quiche. My first, actually. And it didn't fall. I forgot they make the eggs so they are fluffy. I did have a fleeting thought before I mixed it together to boil the water first to get the egg drop, but was lazy and mixed and microwaved.

Now I am full, satiated, but still can't get McDs out of my head. Even though I am probably eating dinner out tomorrow night with some friends. Ugh! I am watching my buddy, Andrew Zimmern, in Thailand. I have seen this one and can't get enough of Thai food. So now I want tom yum soup and McDonalds. But I am not willing to drive to get the soup.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Treadmill times

This daylight savings is killing me. I decided to try to get up and get on the treadmill for 30 mins at 2.0 or 2.5 speed. For one, 30 minutes is much longer than 10 more than 20 minutes. It is way too many boring, annoying commercials. Its in-between TV-shows. Its how many more minutes is this going to be? Its why is all this Mexican/Hispanic music so slow right now but perfect when I am washing dishes?

I love that I can sit outside after work and read and enjoy the sun that is finally here! I thought that gray, overcast weather would never leave. It really drained me. I had to put the car in this am (love that shop!) and they drove me home (shocked! love them!) and then picked me up when it was ready. One of the window motors had died and the window was almost halfway down. The shop got the car done for me even though the guts of four other cars were around the place. Maybe it was a nice break for them. Either way I got the chance to enjoy the sun while I waited and read through a few magazines (yay 2010). I felt completely rejuvenated and when I got to work I felt on target and ready, even though I would have to leave 2 hours later to beat the rush hour traffic.

I got on the treadmill Sunday, think I skipped Monday because I ran out of nighttime, did 30 last night and got up and did 30 this am before my shower. I think that's pretty good. But it was so hard to get up! I am sick of my beloved NPR and am trying to switch over to my Ipod to wake me up. Apparently I had a 15 minute delay on so it never went off, good thing I had NRP to a back me up. So I took off the delay and we will see for tomorrow. Good thing is I don't get up a sweat with only walking 30 mins so no serious showering is necessary. That should save some time. Although today I debated not and getting to work earlier so I could leave sooner and get more sun time. Maybe I'll go to the beach or Cathy's pool, or both, this weekend if its sunny. Then again, I am pink from my solar bathing today, just below the elbow and knees, lovely.

I am kind of tired now, 7:20 pm, still haven't eaten yet. Actually I ate only 1 MF meal, not the 5 I am supposed to. So maybe I will make a few MF cookies. (But milk is NOT on-plan, aaaaahhhhh!). I need to check out almond milk for carbs and cals, or any other non-lactose. I actually really enjoy them, even the (natural) non-flavored ones.

Here's to getting up tomorrow!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

A three month recap

I have been very lax in this blog, debating whether or not I want this kind of stuff published for the world to see. I started because it was much easier than calling everyone with every thought that popped into my head. This way they could check it at their leisure and comment if they wanted to. But then after being lazy and simply not updating, I was thinking of trying to clean the internet of random stuff about me as I could. I am still going back and forth but I am having success, so maybe its not a bad legacy to leave. And there must be some way to delete these, right?

Three months have gone by since the return from Disney. I am currently at a loss of 53 pounds. I have been holding steady around 50 for the past few months, a few up a few down. The reason being no exercise, random beer, and carbs, as well as not eating all five of my MF meals while at work. I have been making some carbs to get rid of them once and forever. So am I surprised, no. DH has eaten most of the pasta so that is not a problem. It is also because I am no longer weighing and/or measuring my food.

My cheapo scale broke but served me well. I have yet to get another scale. It would make things so much easier. I am really not worried about veggies, its the protein that needs to be kept in check. Have you seen the size of a chicken breast lately!? I generally just cut a cooked one in half, but I really need to weigh it to make sure I am not jipping myself as in the early days with the fish, or overeating when I really don't want that much but think, protein is good right? Its good when I need it, but if I am not working out, I don't need that kind of energy.

I actually did get on the treadmill the other day. I had taken DH to the airport for a TDY and had a million errands to run. I was on the phone with Mom and then it was passed to Dad and he simply asked something to the effect of, why aren't you exercising anymore? I hadn't showered yet, so why not? I got ready with him on speakerphone and then walked a nice slow mile at 20 minutes. Didn't even break a sweat. So maybe I don't have to worry about the millions of showers a day that comes with working out.

I have been meaning to get on the treadmill in the AM before work but just haven't done it. Who wants to actually get out of bed in the morning? I haven't because it would make me late to work, which is flexible. Maybe I should just try and then work at getting up earlier.

I haven't gotten on the treadmill since Thursday. Friday night was kind of in limbo, I made soup, ate late, and spent way too long on facebook playing games and talking with DH. Saturday I actually got out, went to Archaeology Day in Niceville (ugh, the drive!), and then out to dinner and a movie with some friends. That brings us to today. It overcast and not very warm outside. I had hoped to read all day long. But coffee sat forever and I didn't want to eat anything at all. I was up much earlier than I had hoped, lost an hour with daylight savings so I went around fixing clocks. Then sat on the internet, read through all the newspaper that has been building up, put my collection of microbrew beer bottles and other recyclables in the garage, pulled in the clothes basket, separated some clothes, bleached the kitchen sink rubber pads, made 4 MF cookies, and forced myself to drink the coffee and eat 2 cookies and a brownie. Then I removed my myspace page since I haven't used it in years, posted the Xmas and Disney post after a while of debate and then debated writing this one. But hey, 53 pounds and really that was a lot accomplished!

Oh, I am down to a size 16 from a 24, depending on the brand. I fell in love with a pair of jeans marked 14 at Old Navy. It could have said 22 and the light still shone and the angels sang, it was that perfect. I would have counted quarters to buy them. But I switched out the pair I tried for a short/regular and not a long, purchased it and went home. It was not do-able, should have tried it on at the store. So I took it back and spent the return money on a bunch of t-shirts, the shirts have since gotten lost in the house somewhere between the bedroom where I took off all the tags and the garage where the washer is. Oh well. I can fit into some of my older shirts (yay!), have been able to button up the short sleeves (yay!!!!!!) and found 4 pair of size 16's from Target that I now fit into. I found these AFTER I took the tags off the newer size 16. Figures. But on the other hand these are loose fit and look a bit dumpy (yayayayyayayay!).

While its a great feeling to buy new clothes, its a bit disheartening because our money is just getting zapped away. So I have been holding out, the plan was to buy a new shirt every week. After my initial OMG I can buy clothes at any store now, I am not as excited about all the clothes I saw. Thank goodness for being money conscious. Not to mention, I can't buy this MF food if I have shirts I will never wear.

I recently had a conversation about being able to transition off the diet and, while I haven't gained much at all I wasn't really strict on it, so I think I will do just fine. I just need to make smaller meals of limited protein, carb, and veggies. I also had a convo about having the gastric surgery and realized I passed the point of no return. I don't think, at my current health, I could ever get that surgery. It would have been free, totally taken care of. I would just have to pay for the plastic surgery where the skin didn't go back. Right now my skin is doing pretty well and its the first time in years that I am at this weight and size. I know the sizes of clothes have gone up while the printed size has gone down, so maybe I am an 18 or 20 really-I haven't measured myself in forever, and can't now that I have eaten. But the point is, I have made a lifestyle change and am seeing and loving the results.

So here is to losing more during this TDY and not getting take-out like during the deployment (although I gained no weight, I was going to the gym for classes 3 times a week, I think). And Mom called me to say if I wanted to go off plan to just call her and she would verbally kick my butt. Which is what I need. While DH can say, why not, justifying what I want (and I love him for it!), he runs 10 miles a day and so can eat and drink what he wants. Its after 2pm, time to get on the treadmill to warm up because I am now too lazy to walk down the hall and turn the heat on. I think the universe may be aligning for me or I just need to align it to my new lifestyle.